1 . Under no circumstances may two men
share an umbrella.
2 . It is OK for a man to cry ONLY
under the following
circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its
master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts
unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) 1 hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds
into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3 . Any Man who brings a camera to a
bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.
4 . Unless he murdered someone in your
family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5 . If you've known a guy for more than
24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually
marry her.
6 . Moaning about the brand of free
beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden..........However complain at
will if the temperature is
unsuitable.
7 . No man shall ever be required to
buy a birthday present for
another man. ...In fact, even
remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional. ....At that point,
you must celebrate at a strip
bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8 . On a road trip, the strongest
bladder determines pit stops, not
the weakest.
9 . When stumbling upon other guys
watching a sporting event, you
may ask the score of the game in
progress, but you may never ask
who's playing.
10 . You may flatulate in front of a
woman only after you have
brought her to climax. ........If you
trap her head under the
covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially
your girlfriend.
11 . It is permissible to drink a
fruity alcoholic drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach...
and it's delivered by a
topless model .and only when it's free.
12 . Only in situations of moral and/or
physical peril are you
allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13 . Unless you're in prison, never
fight naked.
14 . Friends don't let friends wear
Speedos. .....Ever. ....Issue
closed.
15 . If a man's fly is
down .............. that's his
problem . you
didn't see anything.
16 . A man in the company of a hot,
suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight for her .
17 . Never hesitate to reach for the
last beer or the last slice of
pizza . but never both, that's just
greedy.
18 . If you compliment a guy on his six-
pack .......... you'd
better be talking about his choice of
beer.
19 . Never join your girlfriend or wife
in discussing a friend of
yours . except of course if she's
withholding sex pending your
response.
20 . Phrases that may NOT be uttered to
another man while lifting
weights at the gym;
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the
showers!
21 . Never talk to a man in a bathroom
unless you are on equal
footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in
line, etc.
For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.
22 . Never allow a telephone
conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are able to have sex
with her. .........Keep a
stopwatch by the phone. ......
Hang up if necessary.
23 . The morning after you and a girl
who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal, drunken freaky
monkey sex, the fact that
you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason for you not to nail
each other again before the discussion
about what a big mistake it
was occurs.
24 . It is acceptable for you to drive
her car. . It is not
acceptable for her to drive yours.
25 . Thou shalt not buy a car in the
colours of brown, pink, lime
green, orange or sky blue.
26 . The girl who replies to the
question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me,
you'd know what I want!" . gets
an Xbox. .......End of story.
27 . There is no reason for guys to
watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. . Ever.
28. We've all heard about people having
guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition of each is listed
below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a
night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom,
and having the guts to say,
"are you still cleaning or are you
flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a
night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick
on your collar, slapping
your wife on the ass and having the
balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion.
The International Council of Manhood,
Ltd.
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