Malaysian Political jokes


Chua Soi Lek quit politics after his sex scandal.
Since he had a talent for pumping, he decided he will
go into the petrol business. There, he reckons he can still pump a little,
and for once be paid for it.
As a politician, he had talent. But selling petrol wasn't something he was
trained for so sales was slow. One day, he decided to put up a promotion to
increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon Zam pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. Doc Chua
told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he
would get his free sex. Zam guessed 8, and Doc Chua said, 'You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, Zam, along with his UMNO friend Khairy, pulled in for another
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. Doc Chua again gave him the same
story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Zam guessed 2 this time.
Doc Chua said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex
this time.'
As they were driving away, Khairy said to Zam, 'I think that game is rigged
and he doesn't really give away free sex.'
Zam replied, 'No it ain't, KJ. It's not rigged at all. My wife won twice
last week.'
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NAMES OF DOLLS
Najib has 2 girlfriends and 2 wives. He called them:
1st girlfriend ..... baby doll
2nd girlfriend ..... Mongolian doll
1st wife.....barbie doll
2nd wife..... panadol !
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Two old retired politician
Two old retired politicians decide they are close to their last days and
decide to have a last night on the town. Chan Kong Choy was dumped because
of the Port Klang Fiasco and Samy Vellu was dumped when a bridge collapsed,
killing 100 Indians. Nothing to do, they took a lot of drinks and ended up
at the local brothel, managed by a part-time
florist.
The Madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her Manager,
'Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll on each bed. These
two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They
won't know the difference.'
The Manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs to take care
of their business.
As they are walking home, the Chan Kong Choy says, 'You know, I think my
girl was dead!'
'Dead?' says Samy Vellu, 'Why do you say that?'
'Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.'
Samy Vellus says, 'Could be worse - I think mine was a witch.'
'A witch, why the hell would you sat that?'
'Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a
little bite, then she farted and flew out the window, taking my teeth with
her.'
.......................................................

Somebody farted during the inquiry.
Inquiry officer asked Tengku Adnan first: Did you fart?
Adnan replied: You must be drunk or mad.
the officer then asked Dr Mahathir: Did you fart?
Mahathir answered: I don't remember. Anyway it's my prerogative to fart and
I don't have to answer to anybody.
He then asked Eusoff Chin: Did you fart?
Eusoff Chin answered: If anyone wants to fart, what can I do?
The officer then turned to Lingam: Did you fart?
Lingam replied: Sounds like mine, smells like mine ...........but....it is
not me.
........................................................


Pak Lah was seated next to a little girl on an airplane that was leaving
KLIA. He turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go
quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to
Pak Lah, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I
don't know', said Pak Lah, 'How about who is going to win the next
election?'
'OK', she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and
a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
Pak Lah thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
The little girl then asks, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss who is
going to win the next election when you don't know shit?'

ahahahahahaa.. thanks man... yup i second to that. our political today is a laughing stock of the world today....keekke

wakkakakakkakaka!!!

Below is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the question:
Abdullah Ahmad Badawi - 'I did not cut down the tree , I was just taking a nap underneath it.'
Najib Razak - 'I swear that I have never MET that tree.'
Hishamuddin Hussein Onn- '...but I only own a keris , no axe, how to cut down the tree?'
Dr Mahathir Mohamd - 'Apa nama cherry tree, yes, I chopped it down because, I don't like the idea of Pak lah sleeping under it.'
Chua Soi Lek - 'Yes it was me, I resign as caretaker of this orchard.'
VK Lingam - 'It could be me, it might have been me but I don't think its me.'
Anwar Ibrahim - 'I did NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA sample for you to plant on the axe handle.'
Mohd Khir Toyo - 'The new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.'
Ahmad Said ( Terengganu MB ) - 'I chopped it because cherry trees are more expensive to maintain than durian trees.'
Azalina Othman - 'The cherry tree is not included under my tourism MOU so I cut it down and besides there were unauthorised signboards put up around the tree.'
Shabery Cheek - 'I challenge you to a debate on tree cutting.'
S Samy Velu - 'I chopped it because Hindraf members were using it as a meeting point.
Wira Ali Rustam - 'We have planted durian trees for 50 years and we will plant them for another 50 years, we do not need cheery trees, apple trees , pear trees and all these other foreign trees.'
Rais Yatim - 'You must see the bigger picture, Ahmad said cherry trees are expensive to maintain, Ali Rustam said that are against our national identity and I needed to test my new axe, so you see, it is a WIN-WIN situation all around.'
Sharir Samad - 'I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to subsidise it.'
Karpal Singh - 'The bigfoot creature did it.'
Bung Mokhtar - 'The big monkey did it'
Pandikar Amin Mulia - 'There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry trees. Kinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk .
Khairy Jamaluddin - I did not do it, neither did the Mat Rempits. By the way, what's a cherry tree?'
Lim Kit Siang - 'Cherry tree also you don't know, you are an insult to Oxford !'
Nazri Abdul Aziz - 'Racist, racist, racist! When we cut down durian trees nobody made a fuss. Now...'
Malaysian Citizens - 'Oh for heavens sake! Somebody plant something before we all starve to death!'